ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
