I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
