I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
