You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
