That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
