i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
