Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
