Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
