Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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