That's when you crack a 10am beer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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