Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
