You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
