either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
