It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
