I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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