I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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