I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
