my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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