ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize