I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
