he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
