Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
