dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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