Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do vagina's smell?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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