so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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