Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
