In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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