marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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