Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
