The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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