No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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