Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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