thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Terrible idea I love it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
