Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
