Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize