how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
