I'm drive I can fine osifer
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize