You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
