He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
