EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
