yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
