There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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