Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize