i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
