I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
