I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
