Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
