She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
