we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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