who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize