I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
