I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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