it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
