When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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