I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
