Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
