walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
