I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
