so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
