I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
being pregnant is like rehab
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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