Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
