Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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