Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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