Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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