Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
