I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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