Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
