I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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