If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
