i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
