And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
