a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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