At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
